That's incredibly similar to the ingame audio! How about including some message with your regular voice so there's something to compare to?
Name's Dan Escudero and I've been aspiring to become a voice actor since spring of '12. For business inquiries, please PM me with any and all details you have regarding your project.
Dan Escudero
@LegendofDelza
Age 32, Male
Aspiring Voice Actor
SCCC
Long Island, New York
Joined on 4/23/06
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Awesome. You did a great job!